Loving Those In Your Outer Circle: What 2-3 John Teaches About Hospitality

How many of us truly enjoy welcoming people, especially those we don’t know well or at all, to visit or stay in our homes?

And how many of us, when we even think about having people over, immediately have thoughts like: “That means I have to clean up the mess,” or “What are people going to think about my house?” or “I dread all the extra work to clean up after they leave”?

Hospitality comes easier to some of us than others. Some people seem to open their home at the drop of a hat. Someone comes to visit from out of town and needs a place to stay, and they have the bed and towels ready to go. Whenever you’re at their house, there always seem to be other people there you weren’t expecting. They are the first to volunteer their place for a dinner gathering or holiday celebration.

Well, regardless of whether you’re naturally gifted with hospitality or not, we are all called to love those people outside our inner circle. Loving people within your inner circle is one thing: your spouse, your children, your parents, your extended family, your close friends, the people you do life with on a daily basis. But what about people in your outer circle? People you don’t know well? Even true strangers? How easy, or hard, do you find it to love those people?

In these final two letters of John, we see a key theme around how we are to love (or in at least one case, not love) those people in our outer circle. The type of love John is speaking about can be understood best from the Greek word philoxenia. This word comes from philo, which means “warm, friendly, brotherly love” (as in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love), and xenos, which means “stranger” (as in xenophobia, the fear of strangers). So philoxenia has a clearer, crisper meaning than simply hospitality. It means warm, friendly, brotherly love for strangers.

Walking in Truth and Love (2 John 1-6)

Read 2 John 1:1-6 (ESV)

Who is the “elect lady” and who are her children? Some believe it could literally be a woman to whom John is writing, but most scholars take the lady to be a church, and her children to be the early Christians in this church. Notice how John immediately introduces truth and love when he says that he “loves in truth” the people to whom he is writing. He’s setting the stage for what the rest of the letter is about.

John continues to emphasize truth and love, the central themes from his longer first letter. He wanted to show believers the difference between truth and error, between absolute morality (or holiness) and relative morality, which he often referred to as “light.” He wanted to encourage believers to grow in genuine love for God and fellowship with one another.

But notice that he isn’t just talking philosophically about truth and love. Look how frequently he uses the word “walk.” He is talking about walking in the truth, and walking in love. This is very much a “how-to” lesson. He’s talking about what it means in our daily lives to walk in truth and love.

What does John mean when he says that the commandment to love one another is not a new commandment, but one which we have heard from the beginning? God has always commanded us to love one another. Leviticus 19:18 culminates a whole passage starting at verse 9 with the command, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” This is an old command God gave to the nation of Israel in its early days.

But Jesus interpreted this old command in a new way. In John 13:34, Jesus taught, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” And in John 15:12-13, Jesus says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

What is new about Jesus’ interpretation? When we love someone, we are also by necessity doing two other things: we are being vulnerable, and we are sacrificing. That’s what Jesus meant when he said, “as I have loved you.” If you extend love to another person and they don’t return it, you will feel hurt. God extended his love to all people, and he feels hurt every time a person chooses not to love him in return. Furthermore, to truly love someone means to put their needs, happiness, and well-being ahead of your own, which requires sacrifice. God had to sacrifice his one and only Son because of his love for us. And if we are not willing to sacrifice our own needs, happiness, and well-being for others, as Jesus did, we are not truly loving them.

Discussion

What does John mean when he says that the commandment to love one another is not new, but one we have heard from the beginning?
How does Jesus’ interpretation of the old commandment raise the bar?
What does it look like to “walk in truth and love” in practical, daily life?

Key Takeaways

The command to love is ancient, but Jesus gave it new depth. “As I have loved you” adds vulnerability and sacrifice.
Love requires risk. Extending love means accepting the possibility of being hurt. That’s what makes it real.
Walking in truth and love is practical, not philosophical. John is talking about how we live, not just what we believe.

A Warning About False Teachers (2 John 7-13)

Read 2 John 1:7-13 (ESV)

We’ve encountered John’s warning against deceivers before in his first letter. What makes these deceivers so dangerous is their impact on people who have not yet heard and accepted the truth about Jesus. Instead, these people receive a false gospel, which could prevent them from ever knowing the truth and receiving abundant life now and eternal life with God.

John makes three clear, succinct points about these deceivers.

First, the danger they pose to a Christian is not that they might lose their salvation, but rather that they might lose the rewards they’ve earned through working for Christ.

Second, the deceivers are easily identified simply by whether they “abide in the teaching of Christ.” Unless they accept, live out, and clearly teach what Jesus taught, they are in fact deceivers.

And third, we are not to show hospitality (philoxenia) to these people. We are not to demonstrate warm, friendly, brotherly love to these people. Why not?

John states explicitly that “whoever greets a deceiver takes part in his wicked works.” When we show hospitality to these people, we are effectively endorsing them, helping them spread their false, dangerous, and damaging message.

There is also an implied reason. God does not want us to show hospitality to them because we ourselves stand to be hurt unnecessarily. Hospitality, or philoxenia, necessarily involves vulnerability and sacrifice. God says do not be vulnerable to, nor sacrifice for, one of these deceivers. You will be hurt for no good reason, and it’s not what God desires for you.

Discussion

Why does John say not to show hospitality to false teachers? How does this fit with the command to love?
What does it mean that greeting a deceiver “takes part in his wicked works”?
How do we identify a false teacher? What is John’s test?

Key Takeaways

Not all hospitality is wise. Showing warmth to someone who spreads a false gospel endorses their message.
The test is simple: do they abide in the teaching of Christ? If not, they are deceivers, no matter how persuasive.
God protects us from unnecessary harm. Withholding hospitality from deceivers is not cruelty. It is wisdom.

Gaius and Diotrephes: A Tale of Two Responses (3 John)

Read 3 John 1:1-15 (ESV)

John writes this letter to a man named Gaius, whom he “loves in truth.” In a manner very similar to 2 John, he shares his joy that Gaius is “walking in the truth.”

Verse 2 contains a significant meaning we would do well not to miss. John prays that Gaius “may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.” One of the primary false messages being preached by the deceivers at that time was that our physical bodies, our flesh, are purely evil. Only our souls could be good. That is why they did not acknowledge that Jesus had come truly as a man. How could God live as a human being, when the body is evil? John refutes this teaching and makes it clear that our bodies matter to God, and that God desires for us to be in good health.

From there, John essentially compares Gaius and how he walks with another character named Diotrephes and how he walks. The main point of comparison has to do with how they show hospitality (philoxenia) to strangers who are legitimate believers preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. John explains these brothers have “gone out for the sake of the name” (that is, of Jesus) and calls them “fellow workers for the truth.”

John commends Gaius for “all his efforts for these brothers,” for “sending them on their journey in a manner worthy of God,” and for “supporting people like these.” Gaius exhibited true hospitality, including vulnerability and sacrifice, in support of these believing teachers.

In contrast, Diotrephes “refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.” John is clearly very disappointed with and disapproving of Diotrephes’ behavior. Diotrephes had made hospitality about himself (“who likes to put himself first”) rather than about the gospel and the people who carry it.

In short, John gives us a clear lesson on how we are to offer vulnerable, sacrificial love to strangers, on the basis of their belief in Jesus and the message they bear.

Discussion

What is the contrast between Gaius and Diotrephes? What made one commendable and the other worthy of rebuke?
Why does John pray for Gaius’ physical health? What false teaching is he pushing back against?
What does it mean to support gospel workers as “fellow workers for the truth”?

Key Takeaways

Gaius is the model: generous, sacrificial, and welcoming to those who carry the truth. He treated gospel workers as if they were family.
Diotrephes is the warning: self-centered and refusing to welcome brothers. His hospitality failure was a leadership failure.
Our bodies matter to God. John’s prayer for physical health pushes back against the false idea that only the soul matters.

A Framework for Loving Your Outer Circle

John’s teaching across 2 and 3 John gives us a practical framework for how to love people outside our inner circle. We can think about it in four categories, based on two questions: Is this person a believer? And are they teaching about Christ?

Believers who are accurately teaching about Christ. Show them the greatest outer-circle love. Be vulnerable. Sacrifice for them. Open your home. Provide for them. Effectively, you are part of their ministry, as “fellow workers for the truth,” just like Gaius.

Believers who are not actively teaching about Christ. Still show them warm, friendly, brotherly love. You share a deep spiritual kinship with these people, even if you’ve never met. You need one another to strengthen your faith. Be willing to love them sacrificially, within reason.

Non-believers who are not teaching about Christ. This is the vast majority of people in the world. We are called to love them just as God loves them, with the intent to show them God’s love. However, be cautious about vulnerability and sacrifice. Often, they will not love us in return, and may even take advantage of generosity.

Non-believers who are teaching about Christ. This is a huge red flag. John explicitly tells us to withhold hospitality and warm, friendly, brotherly love from these people, lest we appear to endorse them or get hurt ourselves.

For those of us who do not have the gift of hospitality, God challenges us to stretch ourselves regardless, reserving our greatest love for believers. And for those of us who are naturally gifted with hospitality, this kind of love is second nature. Yet God is challenging you to be cautious when it comes to non-believers, and to withhold your hospitality when it comes to non-believers who are spreading a false, dangerous message.

Something to Sit With

Love is not one-size-fits-all. John’s letters give us a framework that honors both truth and love, both generosity and wisdom. The call is not to be hospitable to everyone in the same way, but to be discerning about where and how we extend the vulnerable, sacrificial love of philoxenia.

Gaius got this right. He opened his life to gospel workers and became a fellow worker for the truth through his hospitality. Diotrephes got it wrong. He made it about himself and refused to welcome the very people who carried the message of Jesus.

The question for each of us is simple: which one am I more like?

Who in my outer circle needs warm, sacrificial love from me this week?
Am I withholding hospitality out of self-protection, or am I being wisely cautious about false teaching?
Is my hospitality about serving God’s purposes, or about my own comfort and reputation?

Love the stranger. Welcome the gospel worker. Be cautious with the deceiver. And above all, walk in truth and love.

“Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are.” (3 John 1:5, ESV)

Frequently Asked Questions

What is philoxenia and how does it relate to hospitality?

Philoxenia is a Greek word meaning “warm, friendly, brotherly love for strangers.” It comes from philo (brotherly love) and xenos (stranger). It carries a deeper meaning than simple hospitality. It implies vulnerability and sacrifice in welcoming those we do not know. John uses this concept to describe the kind of love we owe to fellow believers and gospel workers.

Why does John say not to welcome false teachers in 2 John?

John warns that showing hospitality to false teachers amounts to endorsing their message. When we welcome someone who does not abide in the teaching of Christ, we participate in spreading a false gospel. Additionally, hospitality involves vulnerability and sacrifice, and God does not want believers to be hurt unnecessarily by extending those to people who are working against the truth.

Who are Gaius and Diotrephes in 3 John?

Gaius is a believer whom John commends for his faithful hospitality toward traveling gospel workers. He welcomed strangers, provided for them, and sent them on their way “in a manner worthy of God.” Diotrephes, in contrast, refused to welcome these same brothers, put himself first, and even expelled church members who tried to show hospitality. John holds Gaius up as a model and Diotrephes as a warning.

Does 2-3 John teach that we should only love other Christians?

No. The Bible consistently teaches that we should love all people. What John addresses is the specific practice of philoxenia (warm, sacrificial hospitality for strangers) and how it should be applied wisely. We love all people, but we reserve our deepest vulnerability and sacrifice for fellow believers, and we withhold endorsement from those who teach a false gospel.

How do 2 and 3 John fit into the larger message of 1 John?

The themes of truth, love, and discernment that run through 1 John are applied practically in 2 and 3 John. Where 1 John lays the theological foundation (God is light, God is love, we must abide in Christ), the shorter letters show what that looks like in daily decisions about hospitality, fellowship, and the handling of false teachers. Together, they complete John’s vision of a community grounded in both truth and love.

This lesson is part of the Abiding in Christ series.